Monday, February 16, 2009

Here- but away.

Well my flying lessons are on hold for a week. I am a little sad... lol.. I was really enjoying myself! I have run away from home for the week while DH is on a business trip. I grabbed the kids and we came to Grandmas house for a week of fun. YAY! I am still going to keep up with my morning and evening routines as best I can. My main focus this week is going to be on my control journal, since that is something I can do away from home. I won't be posting everyday this week though since this week is about relaxing and enjoying some time away from mommy-hood. (that is what grandmas are for right!??)

So thanks to all who are stopping by to read!! I will be back next Monday with my next flybaby post!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 5 - oh boy

Whew.... this is a hard day. However I feel better after spilling all my guts out on the computer. Thinking of the positive voice is hard... but it is helping. Thank you so much to all of you who are cheering me on in this! I am surprised that anyone is even reading this blog! lol. Krista- thank you for your comment. It was a blessing I needed this morning.

So.... it isn't even noon yet... and day 5 is about to kill me. I was hoping for a nice up beat positive day today so that things would be easy. Of course not... no such luck. Instead I have very mean voices in my head today. I am almost in tears already. So I am going to try..... VERY HARD to make some positive voices appear. I am debating weather or not to put all my demon's on my blog for everyone to read. It seems a bit to personal... but then again most of the reason I am doing this blog is so that I have a record of my process. Maybe if I am fighting these demons someone else is too... and this will help them. Or maybe you will all just think I am a freak after reading this! lol

Here we go. Today's assignment "Are you hearing any of those nagging negative voices popping into your head? I want you to take a piece of paper and write down what you hear then I want you to turn those ugly words around and say something nice to yourself to negate the ugly words that they said"

Neg Voice 1- Why am I such a lazy butt that I can't get out of bed before my kids. Even when they do get up I lay in bed ignoring life for a while. I know I would feel better if I changed this... but I just struggle so hard.

Positive voice- Change is hard... change takes time. Don't beat yourself up because you aren't perfect. It is hard to get up because I have no focus in the morning... no where to be. Maybe you need to change that. Get in a morning group of some kind that will help you get your rear in gear in the morning!! Ask Scott for help... he would be willing to help you get out of bed. You know you would feel better. Don't write it off as a lost cause yet. Keep trying... it will feel so good when you succeed.

Neg voice 2- why am I so short with my children! I need to have more patience!! They are just children... don't expect them to be perfect.

Positive voice- my kids are health... my kids are not abused. My children have the gospel, I am a better mom than some out there. Yes I have short comings... but hey... I can't be translated yet!! Think of all the good you do for your children. You are a good mom. You just need to have more patience with yourself.

Neg voice 3- There is just to much. My house is too messy. The corners are gross! The more I clean the more I find needs cleaning! It will never get done!

Pos voice- Time.... breathe and allow some time. Nobody has a perfect house.... NOBODY. Even those people you are now listing off in your head... their house is not spotless... if you looked in all their corners you would find a mess..... that is the world we live in. Imperfect... dirty... tainted. We are hear to learn. Here to work toward the better good. Learn to push the adversary out of our life. Clean up the dirt a bit at a time and learn how to keep it under control. You can do this. It has only been a week. Don't expect perfection, just look at your shiny sink and remember that you are getting there one baby step at a time. Now go de-clutter something for 15 min and stop whining!

Well I wrote that all at about 12:00 today. Let me just say that the positive voice helped A LOT! After my little 'fit' that you can read above I went and found a closet that needed some attention. I was amazed at what I could get done in there after 15 min! I felt better. After that the Negative demon's started to quiet down. I found that my negative thoughts all seemed to come back to those three things... which I had already argued to myself so it was easy to think of the positive again. There were only 2 other demon's I had to face today.

Neg voice- (after cleaning up my basement room really good and then looking at the book shelf) Look at this mess!! What is the point? It will never all be clean at the same time! And even when I do clean the kids just mess it up right behind me!

Pos voice- Don't look at the book case... I will work on that another day. Turn around and look at what you HAVE done today. And as for the kids messing it all back up.... well... without them I would be out of a job... then what would I do... OK OK OK STOP thinking of all the fun things you could do with your time... it would get boring really fast, and besides your children won't be home forever so for now just enjoy having them close.

Neg voice- What am I doing this for? Scott probably dosen't even notice a change.

Pos voice- Innocent untill proven guilty. I can't decide for Scott how he feels about this. Why don't you ASK him if he has noticed a difference. Even if he dosen't who are you doing this for? You or him? Well both... but it IS for me too, and I feel better, I have noticed a change... even if it is little for now. 5 days isnt long enough to change the world (though 7 was enough to create it... but that was only for Heavenly Father). I have made and seen changes this week. Focus on that... and move forward.

Ok- so there you have it. All my personal negative voices for the day. Now don't go thinking I only had 5 negative thoughts today.... It was just these same 5 thoughts over and over and over again! lol. I think I am going to keep this positive voice around a while... it helps when the demon's get to loud.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Day 4 - write it down

Hmm.... well today was kind of a bust. I am not sure why. I just could NOT get myself motivated! I have been really tired the last few days and today was no exception. I left my sink dirty last night because I was so tired that I couldn't face it. Well having a clean sink in the morning definitely helps in the motivation category. bluck. I was finally dressed by about 1:00 I think.

Today's assignment was to write down what we have been doing on sticky notes and put it by the bathroom mirror to help me remember. Personly though I think sticky notes by the mirrors is tacky and un-tidy looking. lol. So I came up with a different plan for my 'control journal'. Maybe some day I will actually getting around to making it! lol. When (if) I do I will post a picture. Hmm... maybe tomorow I will post a picture of my shinny sink for all of you to see. Wouldnt that be exciting! lol. I am not to 'deep' today... to tired to think that much. So I will just leave it as a short post today and say that I did well in that I finally made it through all my little tasks, but other than that it was a totally lazy day.

Ooohhhh ouch.... I just looked at day 5. That is going to be a toughie.

"Day 5 - write down what you hear.
Are you hearing any of those nagging negative voices popping into your head? I want you to take a piece of paper and write down what you hear then I want you to turn those ugly words around and say something nice to yourself to negate the ugly words that they said."

Well... tomorrow aught to be a deep blog! Better get to bed so I don't beat on myself to much tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Day 3- keep doing it

Hmm... Well yesterday was kindof a bust on the flying front. I knew it would be a tough day since I stayed up LATE monday night (3 am - but it was SO WORTH IT! Midnight crafting with friends!) Anyway I was tired and un-motivated ALL DAY yesterday. We did get to go to the Draper Temple open house. That was wonderful. However, on the flying front I didnt manage to wear shoes at all around the house yesterday! I did keep my sink shinny and wiped down a bathroom though!

Day three instructions are - Do what we have already done. WHEW! Maybe they know that day 2 is rough for most people and they need another go on day 3? LOL.... or I am just making that up to make myself feel better! Either way... I get a second chance at day 2! I am sitting here blogging with MY SHOES ON! Hair is done... MAKEUP is done... bed is made... sink is shined... and both bathrooms are wiped down and shinny. Hey... that makes it sound like I am doing pretty good! (we will leave out the fact that my kids are in jammies playing by themselves while I type this).

So here I go for another try at day 2 and wearing my shoes. Maybe tomorrow I will actually manage to get up before the kids.

Last I thought I would share my new motto. In one of the Fly lady e-mails they send last night they were talking about being happy now. We live in a world that sells happiness. Buy this, wear that, have what your neighbor has and you will be happy. Only is doesn't really work that way... we are just programed to THINK it works that way. The e-mail was all about being happy NOW with what you have.. who you are.. and what you have before you. One line of this e-mail hit me SO HARD that it is now my motto


I love it!!! I am a self proclaimed procrastinator so this one hit home for me. That is exactly what we do. "I will be happy when.....". It is OUR CHOICE to be happy or miserable. It makes me think of the POW during the Holocaust. He was happy. Someone asked him why and he replied that they could take everything away from him but his attitude... that was his. If HE can decide to be happy... the I sure had better be able to be happy!! I am SO BLESSED! So today I am making the choice not to procrastinate my happiness. The cleanliness of my house will not determine how happy I am. Today... I am happy to be me. I am happy to be alive and healthy. I am happy to have a loving husband and two adorable children who are healthy. I am happy to have a home to live in. I am happy to have weakness.... yep.. you heard me... I am happy to have some growing to do.. a direction.. learning, and purpose.

Today I am happy because I WANT to be happy.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Day 2- getting dressed to my shoes.

Well here we are on day 2 of my flying lessons

Day 1 went really quite well... though I didn't get around to cleaning out my kitchen garbage's. It took a few hours to shine my sink. Mostly because I had to stop after every step and give the kid-o's some attention. But I got it done! At first I was a bit... unsure... how I felt about the sink. When it was all said and done.. it wasn't that much different than before. It was kind of a let down.. until I decided that it only meant that my sink wasn't TOO BAD before and maybe I wasn't so 'far behind' as I thought I was! That made me smile a bit. Still I couldn't help but feel a little frustrated that I wasn't on some amazing emotional high because my sink was so shinny. So I came down stairs to work on my laundry while my mind was still contemplating the conundrum of my shiny sink. When I looked at my washing machine it came to me! I needed a SHINY WASHING MACHINE! My washer is something that I NEVER wipe down... GROSS! I know! I think about it EVERY TIME I do laundry... but never take the 5 minutes to get a rag and wipe all the lint and soap boogies off of it! So yesterday I DID!!!!! It was SO EASY! 5 minutes and I was DONE! My washer was nice and shinny white, lint and boogie free! Somehow my clothes seem CLEANER today! It made me feel so good! Now when I look at my washer it makes me smile. You should have seen my husbands face when I told him what I had done!!! So far I had not told him about the site.... it was my little secret project. Mostly I didn't want to get his hopes up for a perfect house when I still felt I would loose interest in the program after a week. But last night around the dinner table I could hold it in no longer. I told him about the site and about my task for day one. He was trying NOT to look as excited as I knew he was! LOL. When I told him about the shinny sink he said that was great and he was proud of me. Then said he was fighting the urge to look over his shoulder right then to look at it! LOL I told him "go ahead!" so he looked and said that it looked nice... especially the faucet. I knew it wasn't that impressive so I told him my theory that It didn't look shockingly different because I normally keep it decently clean. He consented to that theory. I then told him that since I hadn't felt this deep sence of satisfaction I had been expecting that I shined my washer instead. HIS FACE LIT UP!!! He said he was more impressed by that than anything!! It was GREAT!

Back on the subject of the sink though. I thought the idea of wiping it dry after every use was a little eccentric. Seemed silly to me... but I though... hey, I will give it a try and see if it is 'for me' or not. Well... I have to say... the FLYlady was right!! I LOVE my shiny faucet!! It looks NEW... ALL THE TIME! I use the sink... then wipe off the water spots and in seconds my sink looks like I JUST CLEANED IT AGAIN! This morning when I woke up and wandered into the kitchen I looked at my shiny faucet... AND SMILED! It made me feel good! What a strange sensation one silly clean faucet can make! So now I am a sink wiper! I think I may start leaving towels by ALL my faucets!

So on to day 2! Getting dressed down to my shoes! Here is what the FLYlady says about getting dressed to your shoes

"Why do I have to get dressed to my shoes?

Several years ago I worked for a direct sales cosmetics company. One main rule for that company was that you could not make a single phone call in the morning unless you were totally dressed all the way to dress shoes. The reason behind this duty was that you act differently when you have clothes and shoes on. You are more professional. The customer can tell when you don't feel good about the way you look. So, if getting dressed makes that big of an impression on someone that can't even see you, then what is it going to do to those who can see you. Mainly yourself.
Many stay at home moms (SAHM's) are guilty of not seeing the need to get dressed all the way to the shoes. They figure, since only their children will be seeing them, why bother? Well, I am here to tell you, that you will be amazed at the difference in your attitude about yourself, your children, and your home when you feel good about how you look. I don't want to hear, "I don't wear shoes in my house". Well you do now. Buy or clean up a pair just for that reason. - FlyLady "

Hm- here is the deal... I REALLY DON'T WEAR SHOES AT HOME! Never have! Not because I think I don't need too... well that too... but mostly because I don't like wearing shoes! lol. So here is my consent. I am going to try it... for today. I got up and got dresses like always but then I took a few minutes to do my hair and makeup. It feels good. But I haven't yet put my shoes on. I am going to though. I am going to spend the second half of my day wearing shoes around my house. I am going to TRY the theory out... just like drying the sink. Maybe I will find that the FLYlady is right once again... and maybe I will find that this is one of those things in her flight plan that I can adjust to myself. We will see! I will let you know tomorrow how it goes! So that is it. All I have to do today is wear shoes! Easy! (and I have to clean my bathrooms because my lovely son got into my makeup this morning and poured the soap all over the sink. ugh.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Day 1 of Flying lessons.

Well here it is... my second blog back in action. Here is the deal...


Ok... not flying as in with the birds (sorry Jeremy) Flying as in
Finally Loving Myself.

I found this wonderful site trough a friend's blog. THANK YOU STEPHANIE!!! I will forever be in your debt! Here is the run down

This web site below is my new motivation!

For a long time I have needed a change in my life. I knew that.... what I didn't know what HOW to make that change! I needed a schedule... a routine... a DIRECTION! I have never been able to make this change for myself. It is just to hard... to much.... to overwhelming to think of it all on my own. But now I have a friend to help me! The FLY lady. This lady is my new best friend! I LOVE HER! The whole site is dedicated to ladies like me. Ladies who need a little outside direction... some love.... a big hug... and a SHINY SINK to get me started! This site is all about learning to love yourself ONE GOOD HABIT at a time!

So I am taking the challenge.... I am learning to FLY. I am SO EXCITED about shining my sink today!! It is soaking in bleach as we speak! Am I intimidated.... OH YEAH!!! The negative voices keep telling me to stop now... that it is too much.... I will loose my interest so why start... I don't WAN'T to change, I LIKE being lazy!! But I know those voices are lying... they are the easy road voices. I can do better.... I deserve better.... I WANT to be better. So I am taking the plunge!

So why spill my guts on a blog?? Well.... I am very much a "words of affirmation" person. (If you have read the 'Love Language's' book you will know what I am talking about... if not... you should read it!) Anyway... I need to talk... I need people to KNOW what I am doing and tell me how great I am! lol. Lame I know. Instead of putting all this on my husband I am opening my heart to the web. No I don't expect comments on every post... or most of them. It is more that I feel like someone KNOWS what I am doing... and that is important. So the next time you come to visit me you can say "WOW.. your sink really IS shinny!" Also this is a motivational journal of my journey. This is my 'DEEP' blog. lol.

That brings me to another question. Why make a NEW blog for this? Why not use my other blog? Well basicaly..... because they are different catergories for me and need seperate spaces. I have a confesion..... I LOVE KIERANS BLOG! Kieran is always so open and honest in her posts. I feel like I know more about her than I ever thought I would. I check her blog daily hoping to get some of her inspiration. I would love to open up like she does... but I can't on my other blog... that is just me. My 'Family blog' is where I post the things people who want to keep up with my life MIGHT want to know. Funny thinks the kids do and say... what is going on in my home. Basic daily stuff. This blog... this is a personal journal. This is were I am going to grow... outloud. If you care to read along with me you can. If not... well I know I have a journal now.. even if it is just for me.

Ok.... enough blabbering?? YEAH I THINK SO!!! Just wanted to give a good intro to what I am doing here... for me... A guideling to remind me what I am doing when I get discouraged.

So today is Day 1 of my babysteps! I am Shinning my Sink! That is IT! nothing more. Not trying to shine my whole house in one day... that would discourage me. I am also working on laundry just because it is laundry day and my family needs clean clothes... but for once I am not going to beat myself up if (when) they are not all folded and put away at the end of the day. If my sink is shinny when I go to bed tonight... I will be happy... and I will feel good. This is a promise to myself.

Once my sink is shiny I MAY take the daily challenge and clean my garbage cans... I may not. We will see. I am excited to see what tomorows baby step will be. I am excited that I am excited about cleaning! So here we go! I am going to

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I feel so loved!!!!

Ok, So I just have to tell you how loved I feel right now! My hubby comes home the other day and tells me he won a $100 gift certificate to Kohl's from a radio station drawing! SWEET! Then he tells me he is going to let me spend it! EVEN BETTER! So today I have to go pick it up from the station. Scott forwarded me the e-mail telling him that he had won and where to pick it up at. In this e-mail it says "Thanks for the sweet e-mail. How about this as a prize for your wife's first kiss? $100 to Kohl's" So I read this and think....My first kiss??? What does THAT have to do with a random drawing!!??? (p.s. my first kiss was with my sweet hubby) So I start bugging Scott about what the lady was talking about. He gets all shy and won't tell me!!!!! Finally he is bright red and he tells me that they were having a debate during the morning show on whether or not high schoolers should kiss around or wait for their first kiss to be truly special. Scott wrote in to them and told them that I had kept my first kiss special and given it to him and how much it had meant to him!


Then I was like "was that really so hard to tell me?" And he says.. "yes... my face is boiling.. now go away and let me sleep!" ROTFL! He is SOOO CUTE!!! It embarased him to tell me our first kiss was special to him! What a silly boy! (he dosn't share his feelings easily!)

So yeah... anyway.... I am feeling super loved right now! And I have 100$ to go spend at Kohl's! WOO HOO! (Scott is going to really be embarrassed if he finds out I put this up on my blog! lol... but hey... I am enjoying the loved feeling!)