Friday, February 13, 2009

Day 5 - oh boy

Whew.... this is a hard day. However I feel better after spilling all my guts out on the computer. Thinking of the positive voice is hard... but it is helping. Thank you so much to all of you who are cheering me on in this! I am surprised that anyone is even reading this blog! lol. Krista- thank you for your comment. It was a blessing I needed this morning.

So.... it isn't even noon yet... and day 5 is about to kill me. I was hoping for a nice up beat positive day today so that things would be easy. Of course not... no such luck. Instead I have very mean voices in my head today. I am almost in tears already. So I am going to try..... VERY HARD to make some positive voices appear. I am debating weather or not to put all my demon's on my blog for everyone to read. It seems a bit to personal... but then again most of the reason I am doing this blog is so that I have a record of my process. Maybe if I am fighting these demons someone else is too... and this will help them. Or maybe you will all just think I am a freak after reading this! lol

Here we go. Today's assignment "Are you hearing any of those nagging negative voices popping into your head? I want you to take a piece of paper and write down what you hear then I want you to turn those ugly words around and say something nice to yourself to negate the ugly words that they said"

Neg Voice 1- Why am I such a lazy butt that I can't get out of bed before my kids. Even when they do get up I lay in bed ignoring life for a while. I know I would feel better if I changed this... but I just struggle so hard.

Positive voice- Change is hard... change takes time. Don't beat yourself up because you aren't perfect. It is hard to get up because I have no focus in the morning... no where to be. Maybe you need to change that. Get in a morning group of some kind that will help you get your rear in gear in the morning!! Ask Scott for help... he would be willing to help you get out of bed. You know you would feel better. Don't write it off as a lost cause yet. Keep trying... it will feel so good when you succeed.

Neg voice 2- why am I so short with my children! I need to have more patience!! They are just children... don't expect them to be perfect.

Positive voice- my kids are health... my kids are not abused. My children have the gospel, I am a better mom than some out there. Yes I have short comings... but hey... I can't be translated yet!! Think of all the good you do for your children. You are a good mom. You just need to have more patience with yourself.

Neg voice 3- There is just to much. My house is too messy. The corners are gross! The more I clean the more I find needs cleaning! It will never get done!

Pos voice- Time.... breathe and allow some time. Nobody has a perfect house.... NOBODY. Even those people you are now listing off in your head... their house is not spotless... if you looked in all their corners you would find a mess..... that is the world we live in. Imperfect... dirty... tainted. We are hear to learn. Here to work toward the better good. Learn to push the adversary out of our life. Clean up the dirt a bit at a time and learn how to keep it under control. You can do this. It has only been a week. Don't expect perfection, just look at your shiny sink and remember that you are getting there one baby step at a time. Now go de-clutter something for 15 min and stop whining!

Well I wrote that all at about 12:00 today. Let me just say that the positive voice helped A LOT! After my little 'fit' that you can read above I went and found a closet that needed some attention. I was amazed at what I could get done in there after 15 min! I felt better. After that the Negative demon's started to quiet down. I found that my negative thoughts all seemed to come back to those three things... which I had already argued to myself so it was easy to think of the positive again. There were only 2 other demon's I had to face today.

Neg voice- (after cleaning up my basement room really good and then looking at the book shelf) Look at this mess!! What is the point? It will never all be clean at the same time! And even when I do clean the kids just mess it up right behind me!

Pos voice- Don't look at the book case... I will work on that another day. Turn around and look at what you HAVE done today. And as for the kids messing it all back up.... well... without them I would be out of a job... then what would I do... OK OK OK STOP thinking of all the fun things you could do with your time... it would get boring really fast, and besides your children won't be home forever so for now just enjoy having them close.

Neg voice- What am I doing this for? Scott probably dosen't even notice a change.

Pos voice- Innocent untill proven guilty. I can't decide for Scott how he feels about this. Why don't you ASK him if he has noticed a difference. Even if he dosen't who are you doing this for? You or him? Well both... but it IS for me too, and I feel better, I have noticed a change... even if it is little for now. 5 days isnt long enough to change the world (though 7 was enough to create it... but that was only for Heavenly Father). I have made and seen changes this week. Focus on that... and move forward.

Ok- so there you have it. All my personal negative voices for the day. Now don't go thinking I only had 5 negative thoughts today.... It was just these same 5 thoughts over and over and over again! lol. I think I am going to keep this positive voice around a while... it helps when the demon's get to loud.


Krista said...

I think you are doing great. I am a recent stay at home mom. i have been doing this for a year and I have discovered something. Being a mom is harder than working 50 hours per week. It is a thankless job with no holidays or end in sight. I know you are a great wife and mother. Your house dosen't reflect on you or the type of person you are. I think that if I came to your house I would think it is spotless. As for getting up late, does it hurt anything to sleep in? I have teh same problem, and I used to beat myself up for it. Then I relized that I am on a dead run with teh kids and housework the rest of teh day. Those sweet morning moments are mine to gear up for teh day and talk with God. I think you are great.

Anonymous said...

Hi there Tina, this is really interesting, there are so many things I recognise in myself! Especially 1) don't bother starting because you know you'll give up; 2) why can't i get out of bed in the morning?; 3) why am i cranky with my kids? So I'm really impressed that you have gotten started! I've been receiving Flylady's emails for nearly 2 years now and I'm still not in a routine. But I mostly wanted to say that my biggest biggest failing is not going to bed at a reasonable time. It's half eleven at night now (in Sheffield, UK) and I'm typing this instead of getting off the sofa and clearing up the dinner things, loading the dishwasher, cleaning kitchen floor and going to bed! I read how you stayed up doing fun stuff with your friends until 3am one night, and it really struck a chord with me. However much fun that is, we're never going to be able to get up early, be motivated throughout the day, and be patient with our kids if we don't get to bed earlier - you and me both :)
I really hope you're having a great vacation and getting some rest and relaxation. Wishing you loads of luck continuing with the babysteps when you get back.
All the best,